At the very beginning, 2012 taught me about embracing and learning
from rejection. I learned that rejection may very well slap you in the face and
punch you in the stomach BUT at times, rejection from certain things and
people, is God’s way of protecting you from an ugliness that you could not
foresee. I’ve learned that out of a first rejection comes a bigger surprise
than you could ever imagine for yourself. Ultimately, rejection at times is a
huge blessing in disguise.
2012 continued to teach me the
art of loneliness. Being lonely is a funny thing because in your darkest
moments of sadness and feeling cut off, you discover a lot about yourself and
you are pushed towards the only person one who can bring you back to surface:
our Father, God. I’ve learned that God usually places us in this place of being
alone so we draw near to Him, seek His face, and come back to where we
essentially belong. That is where the beauty of loneliness lies. Because in
being lonely….you never really are.
Perception vs. reality is
something I got quite a grasp on throughout 2012. The whole “all that glitters,
isn’t gold” mantra really has some truth to it. We tend, as a human society, to
unintentionally put people and things on pedestals. We throw glitter on
EVERYTHING to make it shine and be this “good” thing but when it comes down to
it, is it really what we have “made” it to be? Sadly, the answer is no. As I’ve
gotten towards the end of this year, I’ve learned to dust off the glitter on a
lot of people and things to see them for what they really are. And trust me,
there was no gold underneath. That saying has taken on new meaning for me and
now for the upcoming year, I’ve learned to really study and learn what is
underneath all the appearance of “shiny and glitzy.”
Living in the United States for
me has always been a sense of pride. I love my country and am proud to be a US
Citizen. I’ve had the fortunate opportunities to travel outside of this country
and when I come home, I am more grateful for all that I have and that we have,
as a country. That being said, I’ve learned to appreciate the comradery of “community”
this year. Some might say my perception of it is weird, but it’s my perception.
When the legendary Whitney Houston passed, it was interesting to see the
African-American community bond together and mourn her loss. I found it interesting
because here was the shared love over good music, over something and someone
who was big in the Arts of our lives and community. I loved that her Home Going
service drew thousands of people to hear the word of GOD. They may not have
realized it, but they allowed God and spirit of hymns and songs in their homes
for those three hours. God knew what He was doing that day and I loved how He
entered the homes through media outlets in all different types of ethnic
backgrounds. The attack on Newtown, CT was heartbreaking for me as was for the
USA as a whole. As a kindergarten teacher assistant, it broke my heart to see
young lives taken. Lives being cut short this year have made appreciate even more
than I already did, every DAY that I am living and breathing. It has made me
make sure that I tell people on a day-to-day basis how important they are, how
much they mean to me, their significance in this world, and how much I love
them. LIFE took on an even more important meaning. Being in this country has taught me how much Psalm 91 is truly needed to be prayed to cover us and just how much more I need to help push the important of prayer along.
I have come, in 2012, to come to
terms with learning to love “me.” It is a daily struggle but I heard a good
word at church just the other day: “God created us in HIS image. Therefore He
enjoy us. He enjoys what HE created.” – who am I to not love myself? God
created me so therefore me not loving what He created is disobedience. I’m
learning to be comfortable in my own skin, learning to appreciate what I have
to offer. 2012 tried it’s very best to rip me of that but I learned that the
core of my existence is HIM and that simple fact, is all I need to live life
and to love myself.
Overall, 2012 and I very rarely
saw eye to eye. Blow upon blow came and there were times that it hurt so bad, I
just wanted to quit. I cried at least two-three times a week, EVERY week this
entire year. But today, on the last day of 2012, as I look back at ALL that has
occurred in this year – I realize, it was all worth it. In 2013, I have only
one expectation: and that is the expectation that God is going to do what He
wants to do with my life. It’s not about me, or my plans or what I want. It’s
about what GOD wants FOR me. So as I go into 2013, I say “have your way in my
life God and do as You see fit.” So 2012 I say, thank you. Thank you for both
the pain and the smiles. The year brought on life long lessons that have helped
mold me for a greater good.
To 2013 – here we go.
Blessings & xo,
Nicole
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