Boxes, Words, & Daily Struggles

The past two evenings, I have read interesting topics in my Joyce Meyer devotional. One was on “Asking for Help” and the other “Developing Your Potential.” 

It has been almost 8 months since my last post. January 2013 swooped in and kicked me in the back and then February rolled around and literally cracked me at my knees. Up until recently, my mind has been a swarm of thoughts and emotions – there was no concrete foundation, no clear notion of anything. I felt EMPTY – void of any emotion. I felt like God had abandoned me and that I was just left to survive somehow.

The latter portion of this summer has started to rebuild me. We had a Youth/Young Adult Gathering last month. The LAST day of that weekend, something chiseled away at the inside of me and I cried hard, for at least a good 30 minutes. After I finished crying, I was finally able to breathe a bit and my thoughts started to realign in my head. I just recently spent some time with one of my biggest inspirations, and through her (and without her knowing), bits of me began to heal and I began to see things with much clearer vision and understand A LOT that had happened the past few months.

 
I share all of that to say, I failed to do what the one topic says do. ASK FOR HELP. I made very feeble attempts for support and assistance. When I did, I ran away from it, the minute right after I asked. I threw on what my Pastor likes to call “church face.” I was fine. Unfortunately, I received hell just from that because some perceived it as being rebellious, lazy, not willing to do the work of the ministry…..I could have avoided that, if I would have asked for help and broke down to someone. I let the void rip away at me and at the potential that I have. I let the words and actions of others place me in a box. And rather than ask for help & cry out to the Father who I thought had left me; I let the box become ME and allowed myself to sink further and further in. In doing THAT, I hindered the potential that God placed inside of me.

 

Whoever reads this, if anyone, I just want you to know that it’s OKAY to ask for help. Sharing all of this is one step for me to ask for help; to ask for your prayers. I’m not perfect and it is a DAILY, I mean DAILY, struggle to fight my way outside the box that I was put in. Everyday I am reading and praying 2^nd Chronicles 20:15b – “…for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” – We don’t have to fight alone. We don’t have to cry alone. God will NEVER leave us – that is something I am reminding myself daily. He may allow us to walk through some things but He never just disappears.

Yes, this post is random and I apologize for what may seem the “negativity” of it. I pray that it encourages someone & I pray healing may come to you in whatever areas of your life that you need it to.